This has been my toughest write. I hope you read and enjoy.

Oh what a week it was. RPM at 6am Thursday with Bree OMG. I did it, I enjoyed it, and for the first time ever in an exercise class I felt the endorphins racing through my body. I had read and heard people talk about it but never really believed it happened. But I felt awesome, free, and alive.

Bree the instructor a young mum with grunt, a groan, a yelp, a growling “come on” and a little “Yeaaaaahhh” kept me to the pace. The beat of the rhythm had me fall in love with RPM cycle. I rose when she rose and I tightened the ride when she instructed me to do so and I fully participated in her exhaustion, in my exhaustion. When she told me to earn the recovery, I earned it. I was totally spent when we were done, sweating from every pore (who knew your butt could sweat so much). I had the urge to scream I was so exhilarated. I have never felt like that in any exercise class. I was so excited when I got home I texted a mate and asked him to come join me next week when the class runs again. This class is a definite keeper for me. Come join me any Thursday at 6am.

I stood naked looking at myself in the mirror. I noticed much more sagging skin, my boobs resemble tennis balls in footy socks, my legs showing every spider vein and varicose vein in more definition now that they are slimming down, my immediate response is one of Urrrgggh sad sorry despair even, but I stay looking, and I think to myself this is my body, perfectly imperfect, the scars, bruises, veins, stretch marks and sagging skin. It is all a part of me and I need to love it in order to love me, so I stayed looking a little longer. Thinking about all that this body has been through to get to where is it now, still here and still upright, my body has been abused, but it has survived and I am proud of my path. The road has been long and hard like so many others, my body has paid the price for that. I am unashamed I am letting shame go. My outer shell has protected me all this time so now it is my time to thank it for all its hard work, for carrying me when I could not, and time give it back some love. I am trying to just love me as I am, right at this moment. It is a hard thing to do and some days I do better at it than others, but as I look in the mirror I notice the glint in my eyes and smile on my lips, my new shape and today I love me.

This week I also got in a tai chi class and what can I say: practiced as a graceful form of exercise, it involves a series of what seems overly complicated movements performed in a deathly slow focused manner, accompanied by deep breathing. As previously discussed I have trouble with the whole mind body thing, Zen is just not with me. Within 3 minutes of the class I knew I was totally out of my zone and that the further 42 minutes would be long.  Apparently tai chi is all in the knees, it is all fluid movement and my knees simply refuse to do anything fluidly – a car accident years ago saw end to that.

I stay in class for the full session and tried my best along with the other participants. The instructor gave great instruction and most of the class seemed to get her movements and followed along. The participant next to me seemed to know the movements well so I asked him how long he had been doing the class and he told me that he had done 8 sessions. The instructor advised that it takes time to remember all the moves and I should not be too hard on myself. She did keep correcting and watching all participants to check that our movements were right. I don’t see myself doing this class again, but if Tai Chi is your thing then this class is for you. The instructor was very friendly and encouraging, she has 3 years experience as an instructor and will get you to where you need to be. However, remember this takes time and it is definitely not as easy as it looks to master.